Ethiopia and Christmas

I came home to Christmas.

There was a pretty tree on the baggage claim carousel and evergreen tinsel hanging from the ceiling.

The Western world—often unknowingly—inviting God to be with us for one month of the year, every year, with plastic decorations and a rush of capitalism.

So maybe I'm cynical.

Or maybe it's that I haven't been able to stop thinking about—something—in the weeks since coming home.

I finally made it to our home church this week, after almost two full weeks of being home. The Christmas buzz has only become more intense with the start of Advent and Christmas shopping. It doesn't help that I go to church at the busiest and highest-grossing mall in Canada.

And we're singing Christmas carols at church now, too.

Emmanuel, Emmanuel. God incarnate, here to dwell. 

Don't get me wrong—Emmanuel is for all of us. God is with all of us, in all of our mess, in every circumstance and context of life.

But as this Sunday's Advent reading is read, the scene of where God specifically chose to come to be with us, at that specific point in history all those years ago—the place He chose when He could only choose one—comes barrelling into my mind.

It's the thing I can't stop thinking about—the thing that's been resting heavy on my heart since coming home to Christmas.

And I'm suddenly back in the small home of a single mother in Ethiopia, reaching across to squeeze her arm in reassurance as tears flow while she tells me her story.

God is with us, there.

Tigist + Yeabsira

We like to invite him into our big and bright white Christmases of the West—without even a thought that His choice for where He would come be with us and spend that first Christmas was a small, messy, quiet, humble and dim brown Christmas in the Middle East.

I'm not saying He won't meet us where we are—He will fight every distraction and all our excess to get our attention and capture our hearts.

But I just can't stop thinking about how close He felt as I listened to the stories of mothers who were afraid when they first heard of their pregnancy...yet chose to say a brave yes anyways.

That's all I've been thinking about, actually.

I came home to Christmas...but in so many ways, I came home from experiencing all that Christmas was, is and should be—and no matter how many times I do it, it keeps on wrecking me, shaping me, forming me...and I couldn't be more thankful.

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Hi. I decided to write a thing and post it on my blog! Crazy. A little tag to it...

What they don't tell you about reverse culture shock is that it's never the same twice. Each time, it's different and it doesn't necessarily get easier, but it's never quite the blinding intensity and year-long anguish of the first time...nor does it follow the same path as the last time. It's a unique story every time.

What they don't tell you about reverse culture shock is that sometimes you might feel incredibly entitled, childish and privileged for experiencing it, particularly when it's part of your (dream) job...and that writing about it in a public forum sometimes helps like it did when you were fifteen, and sometimes that just makes you feel crazy vulnerable in ways that you don't want to at twenty-one (or ever).

But I think vulnerability is good? Or I'm just part of the narcissistic generation that puts their lives on the internet. At least I'm self-aware...or maybe I am cynical. ;)

Anyways, I just wanted to pop in on this highly-neglected blog to share some reflections and give some (very small) peeks into what my experience of travelling to and back from Ethiopia was like, to add to (or in case you missed) what's on Instagram. To take the responsibility seriously of stewarding the stories of those I met—and my own story—well.

And also to wish you a very Merry Christmas! ... Because apparently I really can't promise that I'll write here again within the next 6 months.

May you experience Emmanuel—God with us—wherever you find yourself in this season. Wishing you and yours expectant hope, subversive peace, radical joy and boundless love throughout the holidays and in the New Year ahead. —ae

My Case for Youth Ministry

It was a whirlwind month of May, and I left so inspired. And I just had to get around to telling you all about it...

First, I hit the East Coast of Canada to represent Compassion at the first-ever One Conference—a gathering of ~2000 youth and youth leaders from across denominations, coming together to learn, worship, and have a ton of fun.

Then, I made my way to the prairies along with my brother to represent Compassion Canada at YC Alberta—a gathering of ~5500 youth and youth leaders, again, from across denominations, coming together to learn, worship and have a lot of fun (and, as it turns out, to sponsor 157 Compassion kids! WHAT!).

photo credits

Finally, I came home and made my way north to the Muskokas to gather with my own youth group... ~500 of us gathering for a weekend at camp to build our relationships with each other and with Jesus.

Then, on top of all that, I got to finally come home and in the first week of June watch 10 people from my youth group get baptized, 2 of which were girls in my Jr. High group that I got to help baptize. It was an absolute joy.

video credits to my super talented brother!

There's several things I'm convinced of at the end of this mini-youth ministry marathon, but here's my biggest one. If you are not involved with a youth ministry at the moment, I highly recommend it.

Seriously. There's just something that's good for your soul when you stand with dozens, hundreds or thousands of teenagers and declare the name of Jesus in song, word and community.

It's a balm to cynicism. It's a reason to hope. 

When teenagers have the courage to say yes to Jesus, I am confident that we are going to be okay. 

When teenagers decide to sponsor dozens and dozens of children through Compassion, I see a generation that sees the messy brokenness of the world and is relentless in its pursuit of shalom anyways.

When teenagers lift their hands and declare the reckless love of God, the powerful name of Jesus, I know that the Spirit is going to move in mighty ways through them.

I've had the privilege of going nearly coast to coast this spring, hanging out with teenagers. And I just want you to know that it's not bad news. It's not the desolate landscape of hopelessness that we sometimes think it is. 

It's a movement of kind, relentless, passionate, tenacious, bright young people who love Jesus and are committed to His peace, His shalom, His Kingdom come, on earth as it is in heaven.

It's pretty cool, friends, and it is a joy to be a part of it.

When Dreams Change

As most people in my circle know, for the past 3+ years, I've been planning to go on a year-long co-op placement in the Global South as part of my undergrad, in my 4th year. These past few months have been spent working to secure a placement and prepare to leave over the summer.

I think this has been a dream of mine since reading Kisses from Katie in grade 9. I think a part of me has wanted to spend extended time in the Global South since I first travelled to the Philippines in 2011. It's been something I've been working towards and dreaming of since I heard about this program at the University of Toronto.

A few weeks ago, I found myself with an offer to live in a beautiful country for a year, working with a local, grassroots, church-based NGO. I would be working with youth, doing communications, and using my international development degree.

It was my dream placement.

I had every intention to accept it. "Unless God writes in the sky," I texted a friend.

But sometimes God writes in the sky even when you don't want Him to, and especially when you least expect Him to.

So, on the Thursday before Easter, I declined my dream placement.

I don't expect everyone to understand. It's hard for me to articulate the intangible feeling of knowing and understanding exactly what I needed to do deep down in my soul. I won't launch into the full story here... it's one that needs to be told over a coffee, not on a blog. There isn't really much of a story, other than that where there should've been peace and excitement about this placement, there was instead division and uneasiness.

It wasn't my dream to hold onto anymore. I think part of me has known that for months, but another part of me, the part that's been dreaming about this for more than five years, didn't want that to be true.

It's sad when dreams die. I cried more tears over losing this dream than I had cried in a long time. But the day after declining that placement, I entered into a weekend that was a reminder that resurrection doesn't happen without death. That full and abundant life doesn't happen without sacrifice at the cross. That something can be celebrated on one Sunday, killed on Friday, and then raised to new life the next Sunday.

Things change. Outlooks change. Sometimes very quickly. And in this case, very quickly is exactly what happened...

I thought I would have to drop-out of the co-op stream of my program, and graduate a year earlier (which would've been nice, honestly, but...).

But don't I know that God's grace reaches infinitely farther than I can ask or imagine.

In the matter of a few days, a new plan was in motion, and I will now be completing my co-op placement at Compassion Canada, continuing in a similar role that I have been working in for the past two years. I get to stay in Toronto and continue investing in the places, spaces and people I love, while continuing in this amazing program, doing something I love, and contributing to an organization I am so proud to work with.

It's the dream placement I never even knew to dream of.

And that's just how much the Lord desires to lavish His love on His kids.

I'll also likely be taking a bit of time to travel throughout the year to visit some of my Compassion kids. And, as part of my program, I will also be conducting some primary research, based here in Toronto, for a thesis paper that I will write in 5th year.

Yeah, it does blow my mind a little, too.

I want to say thank you, to those that prayed through this process with me. You prayed me to a different outcome than I expected, but one I am fully at peace with and one that I couldn't be more delighted with.

I also want to apologize for my inconsistent updates. Things happened fast and suddenly, and it was hard to keep up with updating everyone, remembering who was updated up until what point in the process... etcetera. This post is my attempt to do a sweeping catch-up for everyone. Thank you for grace in this.

This has definitely been a weird space to be in because over the past several years, everything in my life had been barrelling towards this placement that is no longer going to happen. Everything has been about placement, everything fit around the big block that was placement... and maybe that was part of the problem.

Throughout this process, I've been hearing God tell me to trust. To step off a cliff, even if it feels like I'm free falling, and trust that He is going to catch me.

I thought many things of this picture. I thought that stepping off the cliff meant going on placement. Or maybe that I wouldn't be offered a placement.

Turns out it meant that I would be offered what I thought was my dream placement and He would ask me to let go of it. Step off the cliff into the unknown of giving up a long-held-on-to dream.

And to know that sometimes, dreams change. And that's okay.

In fact, sometimes that changing dream is the very best He has for you.

The Story We Live By

It's funny how reading can convict you to write.

I'm taking The Canadian Short Story in summer school right now--a fun elective for the summer.

And it is totally convicting me to write.

We live stories that either give our lives meaning or negate it with meaninglessness. If we change the stories we live by, quite possibly we change our lives. 

--Nigerian storyteller Ben Okri

That quote resonated with me deep.

I hoped to be around this blog more this year. But many times I've felt word-less. Why write? I thought, Is there really any thing left to be said in this world?

Yes. That's what I hear zing through my heart as my professor reads it out: We live stories. Stories change lives. 

The writer deep inside me always knows this, of course. But sometimes I needs a reminder.

And when the world feels like it's imploding on itself, it can be hard to comprehend the power of a simple story.

But what about that story of a God who loved us so much that He refused to leave us in this imploding world all on our own?

So He made a plan and suddenly--God with us, showing us the way to live our stories. To live compassion and humility and servanthood and peace.

Then He spread his arms wide at calvary and took the brunt of the worst this imploding world had to offer... and He defeated it.

What. About. That. Story?

Yeah--that's the story that gives our life meaning.

And until every heart knows the immense, overwhelming beauty of it, we must tell it again and again and again. No matter how many times it takes--because the Love in this story is relentless.

So yes, yes, yes. Artists and singers and filmmakers and thespians and yes - writers, too. We must tell stories, and live stories, and change lives.

Because until every life lives transformed by the Greatest Story of a Man on a cross, defeating death and inviting all to the resurrection...

There are still more stories to be told of lives transformed by the Good News that He is making all things new.



Does this mean I'll blog more? Perhaps. I do know that words are slowly coming back, and that feels good.

#OneWord2017: Presence

Better late than never?

One of my Christmas vacation goals was to renovate the blog and thereafter, get a post up semi-regularly again. It's taken longer than expected, but here it is.

I missed this place! Last year was sporadic at best, and I seriously missed the time of reflection that blogging brought to my life. Nothing made that more evident than my lack of a one word last year.

It's not that I centre my whole life around my one word. In fact, I'm not always very good at focussing on the goals the word is supposed to represent.

But God has used my various words to speak into my life, help me find some themes in certain seasons, and really just have something to anchor my journey and growth in for the year - be it spiritual, personal, professional, academic, or otherwise.

All that to say, I resolved to find a word for 2017.

I landed on presence.

I want to be more aware of God's presence this year. I want to be open to it, to be actively listening for Him, and to be aware that He is present and working in every moment, every situation, every life.

I want to be present right where I am, wherever that happens to be, in whatever I happen to be doing. As a student living in 4-month bursts, it is so easy to look to next semester, to the summer, to my co-op placement next year, to what's next? after graduation. More than that, I am also involved in a lot of different things at school, at church, with Compassion, and personally, and it is so easy to be doing one thing while thinking about something else entirely.

But I want to recognize that God is doing something right here. Right now. In each moment, something is happening and more often than not God is orchestrating something beautiful before our eyes. And I want to be present for that. I don't want to miss out on the incredible things He is doing in the here and now. 

I don't want to sleep through the important moments. I want to stand in the river, expecting God to do something big if I show up, be present, and expect Him to move in world-shaking ways.

That is my #OneWord2017! A few concrete New Year's resolutions include blogging regularly, continuing to build the skill of speaking as I speak at gatherings and events, and reading the entire Bible this year.

I am glad to have this space refreshed and revived and I am so looking forward to the year ahead!



How about you? What's your #OneWord2017?

Lessons on Giving from the Country of Haiti

My reflections on my family's recent trip to Haiti to visit our two Compassion children...

The Western World has given a lot to Haiti.

Billions of dollars in aid. Hundreds of thousands, if not millions, of shipments of in-kind donations and material goods. Countless missions trips, volunteer trips, foreign consultations, UN missions, humanitarian missions, long-term placements.

And yet Haiti remains the most underdeveloped country in the Western Hemisphere.

All too often, people point to Haitians and say they must be doing something wrong with all that they've been given. But the people I met this summer - they are bright, warm, vibrant, welcoming, kind, compassionate, humble, joyful, smart and hard-working. They have families that they want the best for and futures that they dream of. They are just like you and me. They are no different, and no less capable of taking what's been given to them and creating a life in which they, their families and their neighbours can thrive.

In fact, being capable of that is part of the DNA God created us with. God gave to humanity all of creation and charged us with stewarding it to cultivate life, beauty, and community... to be human is to be capable of thriving when given something that Creator God deems very good.

And so perhaps, just maybe - could I ask a hard question here? 

Could it be us? Could it be us in the West that is doing something wrong with all that we've been given? 

You see, we were given all of creation and told to cultivate something beautiful for ourselves, for each other, for the glory of our Creator... but that wasn't enough for us. We wanted more. And in this greed for more, we've gotten good at taking what we've been given to create good lives for ourselves. So good, in fact, that we've created comfortable lives. Luxurious lives. Extravagant lives.

And what started out as using our God-given gifts to fulfill our mandate to cultivate creation and thrive in community, has turned into a horrible, destructive, broken tendency to create luxury for ourselves at the expense of others.

At the expense of a country like Haiti. 

It's rare of me to make sweeping generalizations about a country. And to be sure, there are huge inequalities in Haiti. There is a middle class and a select few ultra-rich.

But generally, what I saw there was poverty like I'd never seen it before. I saw poverty not as a crippling thorn or an urgent need. I saw poverty as the accepted way of life.

All because the West has given Haiti its leftovers. We've given our second-rate stuff. The stuff we need to get out of the way in order to make room for the next season's latest. We've given our time but not our lives. We've given haughty advice but not humble attentiveness. We've given money but not sacrifice nor love.

This is a super common sight everywhere here in Port-au-Prince... second-hand clothes for sale everywhere you see. These are clothes donated by people from America & Canada. Yes, donated clothes ending up being for sale! We who are from the first world need to curb our appetite for excessive consumerism which results in over-stuffed closets and having to donate our clothes often. If we own less and if we wear our clothes to the threads, then this problem wouldn't exist. Yes, it is a problem... because this practice has literally killed the garment industry here in Haiti. It is now mostly just for export. Haitians get to buy the very clothes they made only when those same clothes come back into Haiti as donated second-hand garments. This is just one aspect of this problem... I could say more, but this post is long enough already! This Jesus-call to live justly has many layers and many different ways of how we can change the way we live & consume... one of which is "to live simply so others may simply live." #Esparaz2Haiti #DoJustice #LoveMercy #WalkHumbly

A photo posted by Aimee Esparaz (@mama2greatkids) on Aug 26, 2016 at 8:29pm PDT

For the first time in my life, I understood why Jesus condemned the rich people who gave at the temple out of their excess because I saw the damage that giving out of my own excess has done. The clothes I've bagged and sent to thrift stores without checking where those clothes actually go. The cheap toys or second-rate stuff I've sent with mission teams. I will be the first to raise my hand and say that I have not always given thoughtfully, sacrificially or generously.

We've given to Haiti out of our excess. We've given our leftovers, our second-hand stuff, our after-thoughts. What we've given has indeed not been what Creator God would call very good.

You see, we've given clothes, but we've taken away the business of a seamstress.

We've given rice, but we've taken away the livelihood of a farmer.

We've given houses, but we've taken away the dignity of home.

We've given stuff, but we've taken away the empowerment in choosing your possessions for yourself.

We've given aid and development programs, but we've taken away the pride in building up your own life, your own community, your own nation.

We thought we were giving so much, but were we really? We were giving the leftovers of our luxury so we could replace it with more luxury, and in the process we've taken away the people of Haiti's ability to fulfill their God-given mandate to take His very good creation and cultivate beauty, life, and community.

And yet.

Despite all that we've taken, the Haitian people and the country of Haiti still give.

They gave to my family and me as we were their guests for 6 days.

They welcomed us warmly. Like that moment when the mother of our Compassion boy Bell Bradley, Margaret, welcomed us into her home with such exuberance and joy and song that our translator could barely get a word in - but it didn't matter... Welcome sounds the same in every language.

#1000gifts ~ This is Margaret, our @CompassionCA sponsor child Bradley's mama. She gave us all big hugs as we entered her humble home. The one-room home was so small we struggled to all fit inside comfortably... but prominently displayed on the main wall is a sign that says, "Christ est le chef de ma maison." She excitedly welcomed us with a short speech that she seemingly had been preparing for a while. Then she burst into song in her native French... and sang this: Count your blessings, name them one by one. Count your blessings, see what God has done! Count your blessings, name them one by one. Count your many blessings, see what God has done. Did she know that I count #1000gifts? :) #Esparaz2Haiti #TheDifferenceIsJesus #ChildSponsorshipWorks #InTheFightAgainstPoverty #JesusWins

A photo posted by Aimee Esparaz (@mama2greatkids) on Aug 26, 2016 at 5:08pm PDT

They opened their homes and their families to us. Like that moment we sat in our Compassion girl, Linsey's home and shared conversation and laughter and gifts and precious time with her entire family. Or those crazy-bumpy car rides during which we shared laughter and conversation with Bell Bradley's family.

#1000gifts #Esparaz2Haiti ~ Here we are inside Linsey's home with her mom and her 3 siblings. I want to just take a moment and tell you about her mom. This women is the same age as me. A single mom, struggling to feed her family. Her average income is US$100 per month. The difference between her and me is merely because I was born into privilege and she wasn't. We could've easily switched places... We asked what her family's greatest need is right now because we wanted to buy them a gift and she told us... a solar lamp, so that the kids can do their homework at night because electricity is very much touch & go here in Haiti. A solar lamp. Having light. Their most pressing need. Friends, we take that for granted in Canada! Needless to say, we got them a solar lamp! Proverbs 3:27-28 says: Do not withhold what is good from those who deserve it; if it is within your power to give it, do it. Do not send your neighbor away, saying, “Get back with me tomorrow. I can give it to you then,” when what he needs is already in your hand. Friends, we hold so much power & privilege in our hands. Let's do something with it to lift up the poor and the downtrodden among us... it's the least we can do! #TheDifferenceIsJesus #ChildSponsorshipWorks #InTheFightAgainstPoverty #JesusWins

A photo posted by Aimee Esparaz (@mama2greatkids) on Aug 24, 2016 at 3:25pm PDT

Selfies with these beautiful girls - Linsey, our @CompassionCA girl (right), and her adorable little sister, Scarlett (middle). What a beautiful day of fellowship, learning & inspiration with this family. 💙💙💙 #esparaz2haiti

A photo posted by alyssa (@_godsgal4ever) on Aug 24, 2016 at 1:19pm PDT

#1000gifts ~ This is our @CompassionCA son Bradley. He & @genius4jesus are birthday buddies! Next week, Jon will turn 16 and Bradley will turn 10! Two boys whose lives could not be any more different. One born into privilege in Canada, one born into extreme poverty in Haiti. We are grateful that God has used the ministry of @Compassion and invited us to be a part of bridging this gap. Bradley is a budding trumpet player and attends Holy Trinity Music School, home of the Holy Trinity Philharmonic Orchestra, the country’s best! Bradley is part of a program specifically aimed at youths living in the most disadvantaged areas of Port-au-Prince. This school provides training in music for Haitians of all ages and from all social strata. With Compassion's help in paying for school uniforms and extra school fees, Bradley is able to attend this prestigious school & has a head-start for the future! #Esparaz2Haiti #TheDifferenceIsJesus #ChildSponsorshipWorks #InTheFightAgainstPoverty #JesusWins

A photo posted by Aimee Esparaz (@mama2greatkids) on Aug 26, 2016 at 4:54pm PDT

They shared their talents with us. Like that moment Linsey burst into song and shared her beautiful voice with us as we sat with her in the Compassion Centre's library. Or that moment Bell Bradley did the same the next day! (Singing was a theme of our visit days.) Or like those vendors who shared their beautiful crafts with us to take home as memories of our time in Haiti.

This is George whom @papa2greatkids is talking to. We met George & a few of his friends, Remy & Arnold among others, right when we arrived at the beach. They paddle along the beach selling souvenirs that they've made. Occasionally, the guards from the resort come by to shoo them away. At one point, we saw armed military personnel come to "scare" them away from the shore. My first inkling of what they do came from a local, a Haitian man who, like us, is also enjoying the resort. He said to me, "If you are looking to buy souvenirs, you should buy from them. They're just looking to make a living." We ended up buying about US$35 worth of souvenirs from three of them... a painting, a couple bracelets, a fridge magnet. They said we could haggle, we didn't. All day we were at the beach. They were too and I didn't see them have much more sales all day. Wow! If you buy into the stereotype that the poor are poor because they are lazy, this story should make you rethink that. All day long, these men paddle along the beach in the scorching heat. We saw them again the next day. That's hard work. Very hard work for probably less than $15 of sales. Sales, not profit. My point in sharing this story is this... the poor are hardworking people. They just lack opportunity. When it is in our power to give them a hand up, we should! One way that I know works is through child sponsorship with @CompassionCA/@Compassion. Friends, it works! I've seen it firsthand. Also, next time you're vacationing in one of these countries, make sure you engage with the locals and buy your souvenirs from them & not from the resorts' boutiques! Oh, and please don't haggle. ;) #Esparaz2Haiti #TheDifferenceIsJesus #ChildSponsorshipWorks #InTheFightAgainstPoverty #JesusWins

A photo posted by Aimee Esparaz (@mama2greatkids) on Aug 27, 2016 at 2:44pm PDT

Haiti gave me rest and rejuvenation before the beginning of this new school year. Like those days at the beach resort where ocean waves and sandy beaches were the perfect company to rest and reflect and prepare my soul for the year ahead.

A photo posted by Aimee Esparaz (@mama2greatkids) on Aug 26, 2016 at 7:06am PDT

deeply thankful for time spent in this absolutely stunning country. saying goodbye to Haiti this morning feeling rested, rejuvenated, energized and newly motivated for the year ahead and all the joy, laughter, tears, heartache, hope, learning, life and heaven-meets-earth moments that it will bring. #esparaz2haiti

A photo posted by alyssa (@_godsgal4ever) on Aug 29, 2016 at 4:29am PDT

Haiti taught me lessons that a classroom would never be able to teach me. Like lessons about the power of a faithful organization such as Compassion, faithfully reflecting Christ to their own communities as the local church and gaining the trust and respect of even the most feared gangs in Haiti.

Sweet times hanging out with this kiddo and his family yesterday, having been his sponsors for more than 5 years. :) We are continually praying for God's best in Bell Bradley's life and yesterday we got to meet the people and community walking with him in that journey. The local church journeying alongside children and their families to lift them out of poverty in Jesus' name... it is SUCH a powerful thing, friends, and it is happening all.over.the.world. through the work of @compassion. Humbled and so blessed to be a part of it... and you can be too: www.compassion.ca. #TheDifferenceIsJesus #esparaz2haiti

A photo posted by alyssa (@_godsgal4ever) on Aug 26, 2016 at 8:26pm PDT

#1000gifts #Esparaz2Haiti ~ Here we are with our @CompassionCA daughter Linsey! Isn't she beautiful?!? Though we just started sponsoring her this year, this young lady was registered in the @Compassion program when she was just 5 years old. She is now 12 and tells us that she wants to be a doctor one day! This is what Compassion's ministry does... it literally helps fulfill Jeremiah 29:11 in the lives of children who would otherwise not have a reason to see a hope and a future. #TheDifferenceIsJesus #ChildSponsorshipWorks #InTheFightAgainstPoverty #JesusWins

A photo posted by Aimee Esparaz (@mama2greatkids) on Aug 24, 2016 at 3:01pm PDT

Daily, they give to so many other guests who I can only suspect had their lives changed or their faith renewed or their souls touched while in Haiti. Like the countless other Westerners I saw also travelling to, from, or within Haiti.

And they give to each other.

When given something very good, the people of Haiti, like any people, build something beautiful for themselves, for each other, for the glory of God. Yes, they're broken; yes, it's messy; yes, the make mistakes... just like you and me.

But just like you and I try to do each day, they cling to Jesus, put forward their lives to invest in their communities and invest in the Kingdom, and trust that Christ will do something beautiful in and through them.

I visited two local churches, just two examples of many, who are building something beautiful in their communities through the ministry of Compassion. In Jesus' name, they are raising up children out of poverty and into leaders who dream of becoming doctors and lawyers and engineers and everyday people who steward what God's given them to cultivate beauty, life, community, for themselves, for each other, for the glory of God. 

And after all they've given us, despite all we've taken, isn't time we gave something real? Something sacrificial? Something very good?

Like the rich in the temple, we've proudly given out of our excess, given our leftovers for long enough.

Might we start giving our best, our very good? Might we start giving with a posture of sacrifice rather than from a place of excess? 

Becoming a Compassion sponsor is one of the most tangible places to start. What they do is very good - I've seen it. Compassion isn't perfect, they don't have all the answers - nor would they ever claim to. But they are committed to faithfully putting what they know is very good - the influence and support of a strong local church, and most importantly, the gospel of Jesus Christ - into the lives of children in poverty, and watching those children begin to thrive. 

How can you give beyond your excess, your leftovers? Perhaps it's sponsoring one child. Perhaps it's three. Perhaps it's three hundred.

But I dare you I dare us to start giving better than our leftovers. To start giving what our Creator God would call very good. 

I dare us to start giving of our money, our time, our influence, our power, our privilege, our talents, our love, our very lives in radical, Kingdom-shaped ways... Because I believe that the beauty, the life, the community that God intended for us way back in Eden is waiting on the other side of that radical generosity. 



additional resources:
When Helping Hurts by Brian Fikkert and Steve Corbett
Subversive Jesus by Craig Greenfield
Poverty Inc. documentary

When Grace Comes Full Circle

There once was a twelve-year-old girl, who grew up in church and strived to follow Jesus with her all. She did all the right things, and checked them off a list... Morning devotionals, bedtime prayers, midweek church and Sunday school.

Little did she know all that she was missing by simply going through the motions.

Thankfully, God's got an abundance of amazing grace.

And so, one day, that girl stumbled upon a series of articles about the ministry of Compassion International in a magazine.  They featured youth not much different from her, telling their stories about how they've partnered with local churches in the developing world to release children from poverty in Jesus' name... all because they had become Compassion sponsors.

Of course, she didn't know or understand all of that great stuff right away. She just thought this sounded like a cool idea. Sponsor a child. Write some letters. It'll be fun. It would be a good thing to do, right?

So she begged and begged and begged her parents to sponsor a Compassion child on her behalf. After a bit of skepticism, they finally relented. Fine, they said, we'll try it out.

Probably hoping she would just forget about it in a few months so they could cancel. ;)

#1000gifts ~ Reading this & can't help but get teary-eyed... because this is how our journey into loving "the least of these" started --- "Dad & Mom, can I have a little sister from @CompassionCA for my Christmas gift?" Little did we know just how much that YES would change our lives! God's grace truly overwhelms. He relentlessly pursues us & gently leads us into that place where our hearts break for the things that break His! @compassion #TheDifferenceIsJesus

A photo posted by Aimee Esparaz (@mama2greatkids) on Apr 29, 2016 at 6:22pm PDT

Regardless, they became Compassion sponsors and eventually sponsored a little girl named Florianlyn from the Philippines.

And that girl who had begged and begged and begged? She was stoked.

Little did she know, this would literally change the trajectory of her life. In fact, it would change the trajectory of her entire family's story.

They would go on to all become volunteers with Compassion.

Their Compassion family would grow to include 10 children and 2 graduates.

They would visit the field not once, not twice, not thrice, but 4 times in just over 6 years of being Compassion sponsors.

She would go on to host Compassion Canada's youth curriculum, True Story: What God Wants Us To Do About Poverty.

Her mama would even end up working for Compassion Canada as their Ministry Relations Rep in the Greater Toronto Area... and she would relentlessly tease her mama - from skeptic to employee! ;)

Her family would begin to understand God's heart for the poor... and start to embrace the beautiful, messy, frustrating, and fulfilling journey He calls us to in the margins, serving society's "least of these". 

Today, that girl is 19. And she's pausing here in the journey to write this post and reflect on how far He's taken her from just going through the motions in her faith. And she is incredibly thankful for His abundance of amazing grace.

And sitting here, on the eve of starting as an intern with Compassion Canada as part of the Flow Internship program (!!!), she's smiling at His latest installment of grace...

Because you see, little did she know all those years ago when reading about Compassion in a magazine, that almost seven years later, a column of her own would appear in a similar youth magazine called LoveIsMoving, telling the story of how she's partnered with local churches in the developing world to release children from poverty in Jesus' name... all because she and her family had become Compassion sponsors. :)

And when she held that magazine in her hands for the first time, she couldn't help but be incredibly, incredibly in awe of how grace comes full circle, as our Father continues to shower more and more of His amazing grace.

Check out LoveIsMoving Magazine... You might just see a familiar face! :)

Welcome Home

When the day was over, all I could think about was what a shame it is that anyone could ever say no to this... and miss out on all this beauty.

Because all of this - yes, it's about this beautiful family being welcomed home. It's about their tears and relief and safety and joy. It's about giving them the opportunity to safely and freely grow and learn and laugh and love. It's about exemplifying a radical Love to them until all the hate they've ever known melts away.

But at the end of what was quite possibly one of my favourite days ever, I realized that this might be more about us, than them.

Because you know what? Without us, this family would've still been welcomed to Canada. The Canadian government would've still accepted their application. Another sponsoring group would've been in our place. This family would've still had loving sponsors who would've been committed to moving them into an apartment, helping them register for school and ESL, sourcing furniture and household items and raising funds to support them for a year... all of it.

The only ones who would've missed out is us. 

We would've missed this beauty. We would've missed this joy. We would've missed the opportunity to get to know the Jesus we follow in one of the most real ways there is, because when we welcome the stranger, we welcome Him.

We would've missed out on experiencing the Body of Christ come together in one of the most beautiful ways I have ever witnessed, to declare with our lives that Love is greater than fear, apathy, intolerance or hate.

Because yesterday, I saw 35+ people - and not to mention the hundreds more that have generously given money, time, donations, prayers and love to get us to yesterday's move-day - come together as the Body of Christ to move a formerly displaced Syrian family into their new home, filling it with furniture, household items, laughter, life, and love.

From empty apartment...

...to warm, home sweet home. 

And this family... they've been through far too much brokenness and pain. The displaced, broken parts of every human heart - those parts that choose fear and violence and apathy and hate because our human hearts war and rage against Love Himself until we displace ourselves from the Love that created us - that brokenness left this family without a home or a safe place to grow, live, and love. 

In fact, those displaced, broken parts of our hearts have left millions without a safe place to call home. 

My mama read it to us just today, on the way home from visiting our family... "There are 60 million displaced persons in the world," she reads, "12 million in Syria alone."

There are 60million displaced persons in the world. 12million in Syria alone. This must break the heart of heaven - Bill Hybels @willowcreekcc #wewelcomerefugees

A photo posted by We Welcome Refugees (@wewelcomerefugees) on Jan 10, 2016 at 1:24pm PST

It's a staggering, overwhelming number... One that grows each day as war continues unfazed.

"But you know what?" I responded to my mama's stat, "Four of those 60 million people aren't displaced anymore."

No, they certainly are not. They are laying their heads down tonight in their very own home - safe, warm, together.

And as I quietly smiled at that fact, I thought -

Perhaps those displaced, broken parts of our own hearts might just have a chance as well.




Definitely one of my favourite days ever. It's hard to express the fullness that we all felt at the end of the day. Please continue keeping this family in your prayers as the settle in - that in the midst of what is surely going to be a tough next few months that they might find peace and hope in the Love we will try our hardest to continuously share with them. 

2015 Year in Review

This year feels like it flew by, but when I think back to January, it feels like a lifetime ago.

It was just that kind of year.

This year in review has become one of my absolute favourite things to do as I look back on the many things God accomplished and the many places I encountered Jesus throughout the year...

My hope was to embrace this year... to rest in His embrace, to embrace Him, to embrace others and to embrace the changing communities around me. It was a beautiful word that I loved having as the centrepiece of my year. (And as for my Bible-reading goal, I did end up reading the entire New Testament + the Psalms this year!)

In January, I sponsored Johnrel, an adorable little boy from the community where oceans rise. It has been a joy getting to know Johnrel and his family this year... I've since learned that he hopes to meet Manny Pacquiao and wants to be a doctor when he grows up. Plus, doesn't he have the most adorable hand-writing (see below right)? Yeah.

not many things in life are sweeter than a multiple @compassion letter day!😄💙

A photo posted by alyssa (@_godsgal4ever) on Mar 27, 2015 at 1:29pm PDT

February was a crazy whirlwind in which I turned adult-age and got accepted into my dream program at the top university in Canada. So, like, no big deal. (!!!!!!!!!!!!!)

#1000gifts ~ 18 today!!! Not sure how 18 years flew by so quickly... time sure flows like a relentless river. Happy Birthday, @_godsgal4ever!!! {Thanks @trish_bradley for the pancake birthday cake idea. Love it!}

A photo posted by Aimee Esparaz (@mama2greatkids) on Feb 18, 2015 at 5:33am PST

every good and perfect gift is from above ;

A photo posted by alyssa (@_godsgal4ever) on Feb 16, 2015 at 7:24pm PST

#Frozen birthday cake! Happy 18th Birthday, @_godsgal4ever!

A photo posted by Aimee Esparaz (@mama2greatkids) on Feb 13, 2015 at 5:33pm PST

In March, I went back to Wilmington and discovered the same inspiring group of Jesus-lovers that I encountered back in grade nine, faithfully building the Kingdom-come each and every day.

Getting to serve in Wilmington with these beautiful people was one of the highlights of my year!

My girl.💕 So thankful for the ways we connected this week & so proud of her for getting up and delivering an amazing speech at UrbanPromise Wilmington's speech contest tonight! 😊

A photo posted by alyssa (@_godsgal4ever) on Mar 19, 2015 at 6:22pm PDT 

March also brought two unforgettably adorable little Mongolian boys into our lives, as they came to Canada for life-saving heart surgery. Our journey with them unfolded with them in incredibly beautiful ways. Both are back home now... but we miss them ever so dearly!

look who's doing so awesome, just one and a half weeks after heart surgery! some post-op appointments today. thanks for your continued prayers for undrakh and his buddy ochro (who is still waiting for a surgery date), everyone! :)

A photo posted by alyssa (@_godsgal4ever) on Apr 6, 2015 at 8:44am PDT

praying hard for this little guy as he gears up for open heart surgery tomorrow! please be praying for ochro... he has quite a complex surgery ahead of him tomorrow, plus he's been getting increasingly low on energy and quite homesick. thanks everyone! ❤️

A photo posted by alyssa (@_godsgal4ever) on Apr 20, 2015 at 10:33am PDT

In April, my family celebrated from across the ocean with my Compassion sister Rechelle, who graduated the LDP program.

So thankful that my grandparents, who live in the Philippines, we able to make it to the ceremony and celebrate with Rechelle at her graduation!

April also brought a teachers' strike in my last semester of high school, putting me and thousands of other students out of class for 5+ weeks... I wasn't complaining too much - I redid my bedroom for the first time in 15 years, accompanied those two boys to the hospital, and practiced my chauffeuring skills by driving myself and my brother to hang out at UrbanPromise Toronto Camp Hope's Rubik's Cube Club.

#1000gifts ~ Good progress with @_godsgal4ever's bedroom makeover. We are accomplishing much during this teachers' strike! ;)

A photo posted by Aimee Esparaz (@mama2greatkids) on May 1, 2015 at 4:49pm PDT

#1000gifts ~ Surreal... at the hospital for, hopefully, this little man's LAST appointment! Praying that he will get the green light to fly today so that he can head home to Mongolia as he's been away from home for 3 months now. #SamaritansPurse #ChildrensHeartProject

A photo posted by Aimee Esparaz (@mama2greatkids) on May 15, 2015 at 6:06am PDT

The Rubik's Cube is a powerful thing!Yesterday, one of Canada's fastest speed cubers, Jonathan Esparaz, did a cubing...
Posted by canadianCUBING on Friday, May 1, 2015

In May, I got to speak about and represent Compassion Canada at three youth events. I also got to hold True Story: What God Wants Us To Do About Poverty in my hands for the first time!!!

it was an absolute pleasure to represent @compassionCA at #pitch2015, #aoyc & #oflo15 this weekend! so thankful for all the lives that were changed - we serve a pretty awesome Jesus. :) Thanks to everyone who was praying over this weekend... those prayers were much needed, appreciated & felt! :)

A photo posted by alyssa (@_godsgal4ever) on May 18, 2015 at 1:47pm PDT

#1000gifts ~ So excited to finally have copies of this in our hands... @compassion's #TrueStorySeries! Check it out online: www.compassion.ca/truestory #proudmama

A photo posted by Aimee Esparaz (@mama2greatkids) on May 9, 2015 at 4:24pm PDT

Then... school came back! Just in time for me to go to these two things called prom and graduation in June.

#1000gifts ~ Rise & shine! Back to school after 5.5 weeks off with the teachers' strike. These two are trying hard to wake up... and trying hard to remember their locker lock combinations. LOL!

A photo posted by Aimee Esparaz (@mama2greatkids) on May 27, 2015 at 5:16am PDT

this is only just my first prom pic. #areyouproudofme #plentymorewherethiscamefrom

A photo posted by alyssa (@_godsgal4ever) on May 31, 2015 at 4:22pm PDT

A photo posted by alyssa (@_godsgal4ever) on May 31, 2015 at 5:03pm PDT

#1000gifts ~ A full day of celebrating this girl as she graduated from high school! #DreamBig #TimeFlies #GrowingUpTooFast #proudmama

A photo posted by Aimee Esparaz (@mama2greatkids) on Jun 24, 2015 at 7:16pm PDT

we are graduates, ladies! 🎓 I wouldn't have wanted to do the past four years of my life with anyone else except you beautiful women! I love you all to the moon and back - go make your vast and beautiful marks on this world & don't forget that we still have to sneak some adventures in together along the way! 💕😘💫

A photo posted by alyssa (@_godsgal4ever) on Jun 24, 2015 at 2:25pm PDT

#1000gifts ~ Her yearbook came today. Just like that, she's graduating from high school! I am so incredibly proud to call this amazing young woman my daughter. God's grace is breathtakingly beautiful! #proudmama #grateful Dear parents of younger children... trust me, don't blink... because time flows like a relentless river. Cherish every moment!

A photo posted by Aimee Esparaz (@mama2greatkids) on Jun 22, 2015 at 12:56pm PDT

Summer rolled around, and that brought the PanAm games to our city, a lot of "not doing much", and a trip to Guatemala smack in the middle... where we met our Compassion girl, Esperanza. Our visit turned out to be a goodbye in person, which was incredibly bittersweet and I was reminded yet again that the difference is truly Jesus.

#1000gifts ~ Finally checked out some #PANAM2015 landmarks today! #fun #TO2015 #Toronto

A photo posted by Aimee Esparaz (@mama2greatkids) on Jul 21, 2015 at 8:14pm PDT

women's canada vs guatemala wheelchair basketball at #TO2015... so very impressed by this! :)

A photo posted by alyssa (@_godsgal4ever) on Aug 8, 2015 at 4:28pm PDT

arrived safe & sound!✈️ #esparaz2GUA

A photo posted by alyssa (@_godsgal4ever) on Jul 26, 2015 at 6:38am PDT

If I had to choose one photo to keep from this year, it's this one, of this beautiful embrace I shared with this beautiful sister of mine.

Seriously the most photogenic country ever. Good thing I went with an amazing photographer a.k.a. brother who I can steal photos from. :)

When summer came to a close and September started, I got to start university, but not without being ravaged by a photo of a Syrian toddler's lifeless body washed up on the shores of the Mediterranean. I feared the worst - that we would forget this little boy - but instead, he has inspired thousands to come together and welcome Syrian refugee families into safety and liberty. In fact, the first of two families that our church is sponsoring to come to Canada has just landed... they will ring in the new year with a fresh start in a new country ahead of them, and we are simply praying that we may help to make this new place feel like home.

it doesn't get much more real than this. @utsc

A photo posted by alyssa (@_godsgal4ever) on Jun 29, 2015 at 6:49pm PDT

#WeWelcomeRefugees now is the church's moment. join the movement & say yes to taking action in the Syrian refugee crisis: www.wewelcomerefugees.com "...so we can turn to our grandkids - and say: 'It was unfolding on our watch - and God Himself moved... through our willing yes.' He will turn & say: 'I was a stranger and you welcomed Me in.' and we will nod & say: 'Yes, yes we did - we welcomed the refugees in.'" - @annvoskamp

A photo posted by alyssa (@_godsgal4ever) on Sep 7, 2015 at 12:49pm PDT

In October, I got to go to a Taylor Swift concert, vote for the first time, speak about Compassion and encourage my peers to sponsor a child at one of my favourite youth conferences in Toronto, and spend lots of time with my grandparents, who spent all of the summer and fall here in Canada with us.

breathe the same air as taylor - check. ✔️ THIS WAS SO FUN even though I'm a horrible scream-singer (no seriously), and yeah, @taylorswift is sort of really cool. she can put on a pretty good show. ;) thanks mom&dad for an amazing grad gift!!

A photo posted by alyssa (@_godsgal4ever) on Oct 2, 2015 at 10:51pm PDT

all done! your turn! 😁🇨🇦 #firsttimevoter #elxn42

A photo posted by alyssa (@_godsgal4ever) on Oct 19, 2015 at 12:05pm PDT

This speaking-in-front-of-large-crowds thing was new for me this year... and I was inspired by how many of my peers resonated with this message of embracing our role in God's story of redemption for our broken world.

at least someone's doing my readings. #grandpa #unilife #multigenerationalliving

A photo posted by alyssa (@_godsgal4ever) on Nov 2, 2015 at 12:20pm PST

November brought more Compassion Canada events, and the largest one-day speed cubing competition in the history of the World Cube Association - and we just so happened to get to be a part of it. Fun fact? 270 cubers in one place is a lot. Trust me.

Very few things get me up at 6:30AM. @compassionvolunteers is one of them.😊 #riseandshine #LProof15 #VolunteerWithCompassion

A photo posted by alyssa (@_godsgal4ever) on Nov 7, 2015 at 3:43am PST

#1000gifts ~ Awesome two days representing @Compassion Canada at #LProof15 with my girl @_godsgal4ever and seeing 90 children released from poverty in Jesus' name! #TheDifferenceIsJesus Photo Creds: my sister @airanlee

A photo posted by Aimee Esparaz (@mama2greatkids) on Nov 7, 2015 at 10:34am PST

#1000gifts ~ Awesome day at Canadian Cubing's #TOF2015... on record as the largest ever one-day speed-cubing competition in the history of the World Cube Association. Jon did awesomely with two third place finishes!!! I, on the other hand, will probably dream about seconds and milliseconds tonight after entering data today for hundreds and hundreds of score cards! Lots of fun! #proudmama

A photo posted by Aimee Esparaz (@mama2greatkids) on Nov 28, 2015 at 6:24pm PST

Results from yesterday's competition are now up on the World Cube Association website, here:...
Posted by canadianCUBING on Sunday, November 29, 2015

And as the year comes to a close with December, it has been filled with finishing my first semester of university, preparing to welcome our refugee family onto Canadian soil, cheering my mama on as she prepares to start a new job as Compassion Canada's Representative in the Greater Toronto Area, and, of course... Star Wars. ;)

here's one way to look at it... #oneeighththere #woot #survivedsem1ofuni

A photo posted by alyssa (@_godsgal4ever) on Dec 16, 2015 at 11:45am PST

this is a creeper photo at its finest but I just felt that I needed to capture this moment. you see, these are my parents. up way-too-early on a saturday morning (sleep-in day!), up to their ears in emails and to-dos and paperwork... all because in a few weeks, our church family will be at the airport to welcome one, then two, refugee families into our city and our lives. but when those instagrams of happy new beginnings get posted on airport day, I wanted this one to exist. the one of these two people up on a Saturday morning, working tirelessly together in the PJs, so that that airport day can happen. this is the example that I am so thankful has been set before me for my entire life. also, this is what #refugeeswelcome looks like in the everyday - it's not a retweet or a fb post or lobbying our gov't. it is stinkin' hard work - work that I've seen not only my parents, but so many people in our church community put in already and I know I will only see increase after airport day. literally countless individuals giving up Saturday mornings, Tuesday evenings, Sunday afternoons or even their own vacation days from work to apartment search, make budgets, source furniture, meet translators, and so.much.more. this is what all those news reports and big numbers like 25000 look like in real life - it's not always glamorous and super warm and fuzzy. sometimes it's Saturday morning paperwork in your PJs. if you're still reading this, I'm wrapping up - promise. I'll just say this: the advocate in me wrote this post to give a small snapshot into what refugee sponsorship looks like in the everyday. but the daughter in me wrote it to say this: I captured this photo because I am so incredibly blessed.thankful.proud to call these two people my parents. #realrelationshipgoals #prouddaughter #wewelcomerefugees

A photo posted by alyssa (@_godsgal4ever) on Dec 5, 2015 at 7:41am PST

Alvin & the Chipmunks was sold out so we settled for Star Wars. 😉😉 #familymovienight

A photo posted by alyssa (@_godsgal4ever) on Dec 19, 2015 at 3:11pm PST

This is us still losing our minds at how amazing #StarWars #TheForceAwakens is... So we decided to welcome everyone to @themeetinghouse #UptownTO in these tees. It's #StarWarsSunday, after all. #ChurchInAMovieTheatre

A photo posted by alyssa (@_godsgal4ever) on Dec 20, 2015 at 7:32am PST

As I look back on this year, there was a lot of despair in this world. But when I read back on this year in review, I see our God showing me again and again that He has overcome. We can choose to wallow in despair, or we can choose to birth Love into this world everywhere we go... until the despair melts away in the light of His redemption.

Happy New Year, friends! Thank you for being you. 
Wishing you all the opportunity and the strength to birth Love into the world each day in the coming new year.